Copyright 2000 --- Robert Baer Jr. Collie Squadron -- "Bad Press" Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Otto, Samantha Maddog, Ben Maddog, Abby Maddog, Vicki Maddog, Molly Maddog, Kyra, Linda Maddog, Uncle Buford, Warrior and Roger Maddog are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1997-1998. DJ is a creation of Jake Williams. Hope is a creation of Angel Munoz. Collie Squadron -- "Bad Press" The scene is Collie Squadron Headquarters in a huge underground cavern beneath Ben Maddog's mansion home. In the motor pool area DJ, Hope and Molly have been working on overhauling the Deisel Rover. As they all sit down to take a break in the lounge area, DJ opens a large newspaper and begins to read it. HOPE (sips coffee): Hey DJ, that's this morning's LA Times, isn't it? DJ (nods): Yes! My master kinda got me hooked on the newspaper. After all, I'd been fetching his paper for him for a long time. Now that I'm a Road Rover, I can see why he liked reading it so much! MOLLY (sips coffee): My sisters and I always read the Wall Street Journal as puppies. Every day, we'd all fight over who got to read it first after Dad was through with it. DJ (giggles): Yeah, you and your sisters were always competitive! I never had that problem because .... (stops in midsentence and nearly chokes on his coffee) MOLLY (excited): DJ! What's wrong? HOPE (stands up): Are you alright, Deej? DJ (swallows hard): I'm alright, ladies. I just saw this 'Letter to the Editor' in the editorial section and ... MOLLY (excited): What does it say, DJ? HOPE (looks over DJ's shoulder): Oh my.... I see what you mean.... MOLLY (walks over): Let me see it! DJ (shakes head): Er....maybe you shouldn't Molly Collie, time to go back to work anyway! C'mon ladies, we have to finish the exhaust work on the Diesel Rover MOLLY (snatches paper): What don't you want me to see? (reads) Oh.....now I see..... (continues to read and holds back tears)... yeah, like you said DJ, back to work DJ (sadly): Molly, just don't pay any attention to it.... HOPE (interrupts): Yeah, doesn't mean anything... MOLLY (sadly): So that's what people really think of us... DJ (puts hand on shoulder): Not everybody, Molly, just the person who wrote that letter to the editor, that's all. HOPE (nods): Right, DJ! I haven't been a Road Rover for very long, but I've always looked up to you and your family. It's just one person's opinion, nothing more MOLLY (sadly): I know you two are right, but it does bother me. This lady, whoever she is, has no right to criticize the Collie Squadron! Bet she doesn't even own a dog.... DJ (smiles): Hey, forget it! It's not worth fretting about. Tell you what, after we finish with the Diesel Rover, we'll all go out for some ice cream, my treat! HOPE (smiles): I like that idea, are you in, Molly? MOLLY (nods): Ok, count me in! DJ (smiles): Good enough, now, let's get back to work! DJ, Hope and Molly leave the lounge area, DJ has left his newspaper on the table. A few minutes later, Abby, Linda and Vicki walk into the lounge and have some coffee. ABBY (laughs): The courthouse was a real madhouse today! It feels so good to get out of there and enter the transdogmafier! LINDA (nods): I agree! Sometimes humans can be so annoying! VICKI (nods): It's good to be a Cano-Sapien! Like Hunter always says, 'I love this machine!' ABBY (glances over at the table): Hey, there's a newspaper! VICKI (laughs): Don't get any ideas, sis, remember, you're housebroken! LINDA (laughs): Yeah, Abby! ABBY (growls): Very funny! Very funny! I just want to read the financial section! VICKI (grabs it): Hey, let me read it! LINDA (reachs for it): Me first! Before they realize it, the three sisters have torn the newpaper apart. ABBY (growls): Look at what you two did! LINDA (angry): US? VICKI (angry): You were the one hogging it, Abby! ABBY (angry): Oh yeah! Sure! Blame me! LINDA (looks at her section of newspaper): Hey gals, take a look at this! It's a letter to the editor, about the Collie Squadron! ABBY (grabs it): Let me see! (reads): Hmmmmm..... 'The Collie Squadron has to be considered the biggest joke ever played on the Road Rover world?' Hey, just who does this person think... VICKI (grabs it): Let me read that! (reads): WHAT!!!! 'These crazed canines are a dysfunction family which lacks maturity, dedication and any sense of purpose!' LINDA (grabs it): I want to look! (reads): Now that's low! 'The female members always quarrel and have egos the size of the state of Texas. It is my opinion that the Master should disband the Collie Squadron and put all of it's members to sleep for the good of society'.... (growls): I'd like to know who this 'Liz Mawrey' is, I'd tell her a thing or to! ABBY (growls, wads up newspaper): I'd LOVE to sue her pants off! VICKI (angry): Girls, are we just going to sit and take this? LINDA (stands up): You're right, Vicki! Let's find Liz! ABBY (growls): Let's DO IT! VICKI (nods): We'll start at the newspaper office, they should have her mailing address, perhaps even a street address! LINDA (smiles): Ok, ladies, let's set our collars and teleport there immediately! As the sisters are yet speaking, Roger and Kyra walk into the lounge. ROGER (waves): What's happaning, fellow siblings? ABBY (angry): None of your business! LINDA (angry): We were just leaving! VICKI (angry): If anyone asks, we'll be back in a few minutes! With a loud BOOM!!!!! the three Maddog sisters disappear and are instantly standing in front of the L.A. Times building. People walking the streets begin to stare at the three Cano-Sapien sisters. ABBY (growls): Hey, take a picture, it'll last longer! LINDA (growls): Move along, humans, nothing to see here! VICKI (growls, points): Girls, that's where we need to be! The three ladies attempt to enter the building, only to be escorted out by security guards. ABBY (angry): How do you like that! LINDA (growls): No pets allowed! Phooey! I'm nobody's pet! VICKI (sinister grin): Are y'all thinking what I'm thinking? The three collie sisters leave and return a few minutes later. Abby (wearing a two-way headset) sneaks into a service entrance and finds the sprinkler system. She lifts up her hand near the heat sensor and 'flames on.' Within seconds, this action sets off the sprinkler system in the entire building, causing chaos and panic among the hundreds of office workers inside. Amid all of this confusion, no one notices Vicki, who is floating outside near a fifth story window while carrying Linda. ABBY (on headset): Collie one to collie two....come in collie two... VICKI (on headset): This is collie two....how goes the mission? ABBY (on headset): Operation waterfall is successful, proceed with phase two of the plan Vicki sets Linda on the fifth story ledge, she walks through the wall and into a corner office, which has been vacated. Linda carefully sneaks around, avoiding all of the screaming, panicking office personnel until she finds the editor's office. Digging through a small waste bin, Linda soon finds the original letter from Liz Mawrey, sticks it in her pocket and returns to the ledge. Vicki takes her by the shoulders and gently floats to the ground. Abby soon joins them. ABBY (nearly out of breath): Well......Linda....... LINDA (smiles): I got it! Liz has a physical address, right here in Los Angeles! VICKI (happy): YES! Now we're getting somewhere! ABBY (points): That may not be possible right now.... The three collie ladies are now surrounded by security guards, with their guns pointed at them SECURITY GUARD (angry): Alright, ladies....er......whatever you are, you're coming with us! LINDA (angry): Really? Why? What's the charge, Barney Fife? SECURITY GUARD (furious): We believe you three caused the sprinkler system to go off in the LA Times building! VICKI (angry): Where's your proof? Where's your evidence? SECURITY GUARD (screams): Never mind that! You three are coming with me! ABBY (angry, then points): Hey, Dick Tracy! That woman threw all three of us out of your lobby because she said no pets allowed! Ask her! The security guard turns to the lady, she nods. ABBY (furious): So, how could we cause anything when we were tossed out of the building! VICKI (growls): You idiots better scatter or we'll phone our attorney! I smell a lawsuit here! LINDA (sniffs): I smell sweaty human armpits! The security guards soon lower their weapons and walk away. The three collie sisters set their collars and soon teleport to the address on Liz's letter. It is a small, very run down looking house on the East part of town. The three sisters are surprised to discover the home's lone occupant, an elderly woman who sits on the front porch and rocks back and forth in a rocking chair. ABBY (approaching the porch): Excuse me, ma'am, are you Liz Mawrey? LIZ (nods): Yes, I am, and you three are too late for Halloween! I have no candy... VICKI (interrupts): Ma'am, we don't want any candy, we're members of the Collie Squadron and ... LIZ (coughs): The Collie Squadron! But I can count only three of you, where are the others? LINDA (angry): Never mind them, why did you write all of those nasty things about us in the LA Times? LIZ (starts to stand up): To lure you all here, you stupid mutts! NOW!!! Liz tears off her disguise to reveal ..... ABBY (surprised): PARVO!!! Before the three can react, four Cano-Mutants grabs the three collies by their arms. Groomer walks unto the porch, laughing and smiling GROOMER (happy): Didn't I tell you, my General? I knew these collie girls couldn't resist this trap! It's too bad the rest of them aren't here... PARVO (smiles): Oh, they'll be here! They'll try to rescue these three! That's when we'll have them all, at long last! (coughs); Longine! ABBY (shakes head): I don't think so, metal head! Abby instantly 'flames on' causing the Cano-Mutant who held her to release his grip and howl in pain. Linda concentrates and soon 'walks out' of her captor's grip. Vicki slowly floats off the ground with one Cano-Mutant on each arm, she spins in midair, eventually causing them to release her and fall to the ground. Abby and Linda chase Parvo and Groomer, but they escape in an underground sewer tunnel. ABBY (sniffs): Ewwwwww! I'm not chasing them down there! LINDA (sniffs): I agree! I just had this uniform dry cleaned! VICKI (floats down to them): Well, where's Parvo and Groomer? ABBY (sadly): They got away, sis... LINDA (angry): This whole thing was a trap to begin with! The Master calls to them in a loud booming 'voice from above' MASTER (booming voice): ABBY! LINDA! VICKI! REPORT TO MY OFFICE AT ONCE! ABBY (scared): Now we're in trouble.... LINDA (shakes head): He doesn't sound very happy... VICKI (sadly): Time to face the music, girls! WIth a loud BOOM!!!!! Abby, Vicki and Linda are now standing in the RRMC Briefing Room. The Master is on his podium, and staring down at them MASTER (angry): You three are bad, bad dogs! I saw everything! I saw how you raided the LA Times building! What have you to say for yourselves? ABBY (lowers head): Master, we had to find out who wrote that editorial.. LINDA (angry): Yeah, she insulted our father and our family! VICKI (slight smile): And look on the bright side.... we did manage to stop Parvo.... MASTER (angry): That's not the point, Vicki! You three are Road Rovers, you just don't wonder off like this! I am in charge here, Uncle Buford and your father are in charge of the Collie Squadron. You should've cleared this 'mission' of yours with one of us FIRST! ABBY (stutters): But....but.... MASTER (angry): You three must learn to behave yourselves both on and off duty! I've received many complaints from male Road Rovers that you three are constantly harrassing them for dates! Is this true? VICKI (slight grin): Well...... LINDA (angry): I wouldn't call it harrassment! ABBY (sadly): Yeah, we ask, and they turn us down..... MASTER (shakes head): Why can't you three be more like your sisters Samantha and Molly? They don't give anyone an ounce of trouble. In fact, Molly is an excellent mechanic! Even your brother Roger is very well behaved.... ABBY (interrupts): That's because he's too busy keeping his eyes on Kyra! MASTER (furious): That's enough, Abby! In all the years I've been here, I've only removed one Road Rover from the team, and that was Dreadnaught! If you three ever pull another stunt like this, I'll remove you from the Collie Squadron! Is that clear, ladies? LINDA (angry): Hey, we're lawyers! You can't do that to us! VICKI (growls): Yeah! We have rights! MASTER (furious): I AM THE LAW when it concerns the Road Rovers! The only reason I'm not suspending you now is that you did manage to find another one of Parvo's hideouts. That is all, DISMISSED!!! Before any of them can open their mouths, the Master has left the room. ABBY (upset): How do you like that? VICKI (sadly): He does have a point. We did go to Los Angeles on our own! LINDA (nods): And we have been chasing the boys too much lately.... ABBY (smiles): You're right! For now on, we'll all stay focused on our jobs! As Vicki and Linda nod in agreement, all three notice Warrior (the huge St Bernard) walking in front of the briefing room entrance. Linda, Vicki and Abby look at each other, then make a mad dash for the door. ABBY (excited): He's MINE! VICKI (excited): I SAW HIM FIRST! LINDA (excited): WHAT A HUNK! MASTER (voice in the background): Deep inside every dog is a Road Rover, they're good, good dogs.... The scene switches back to the lounge area, one hour later... DJ (picks up his torn up newspaper): HEY! WHO TORE UP MY LA TIMES? Abby, Vicki and Linda quietly stand up and sneak out of the room. DJ (sees them at the door): ABBY! VICKI! LINDA! DID YOU DO THIS? As the three collie ladies dash out the door, DJ, Molly and Hope follow them. MASTER (voice in background): They're good, good dogs....well.....most of the time.... ------------------------------------------------------------------